Never Seen It! Sunday: My Bloody Valentine (1981)

You know when someone asks if you’ve seen their favourite movie and say you seen “parts of it” because you don’t want to seem like a total pop culture pariah? Yeah, we do too—and we hate ourselves for it! That’s why every other week, we’ve vowed to watch at least one movie we’ve put off, ignored, rejected or just plain-out forgotten about. Join us as recount the popping of our cinematic cherries, complete with awkward, over-analytical details!

 Photo: Paramount Pictures

MY BLOODY VALENTINE (1981)

DATE RELEASED: February 11, 1981 (U.S.) / February 13, 1981 (Canada)

DATE WATCHED: February 11, 2012

WHY NOW? With that day where all elementary school kids have to pretend to like each other in exchange for candy coming up, I have been craving some suitably-themed fare. This seemed like a natural choice, given the title and subject matter. (Also, I already watched my regular V-Day go-to, the 2001 David Boreanaz slasher, Valentine, two weeks ago. )

WHY NOT THEN? Unfortunately, I wasn't even an atom when this Canadian horror classic (shot in Sydney, Nova Scotia, yo!) was released. I was around for the 2010 remake though, and unlike many other reviewers, I found it to be frothy, fucked up fun. 

EXPECTATIONS:

• A plot pretty similar to the one in the recent 3D adaptation -  a miner taking revenge on the people involved in a horrific underground accident a decade or so ago.
• Said minor wearing his old-school mining outfit while killing not-so-innocent townspeople. 
• A hospital-set massacre of some kind.
• A haunting, Prom Night-esque soundtrack. (It was done by the same composers.)
• Lots of epic, V-Day-centric puns, used to describe the wholly unromantic events.
• Some vaguely recognizable B-list Canadian actor that I have to IMDB in order to realize I don't actually know them or their generic name. 
• At least one literally ripped-out heart. And a whole bunch of other, totally apt and brutal kills.
• Some super unflattering '80s sweaters worn by not-quite-good-looking, yet overdeveloped girls. Hipster flannels and Chuck Taylors on the just-mediocre guys.
• At least some traditional, early slasher POV shooting. Perhaps with heavy breathing, made even heavier by the gas mask.

WHAT I ACTUALLY GOT...

• A epically cheesy title card in which the Os in Bloody were replaced with animated hearts. 
• A highly suggestive opening sequence in which a yellow-teethed blonde fondled the hose of a gas mask (ewww) and then got a pick axe to the tattoo heart, which was conveniently located right above her actual heart. 
• So many ripped out aortas I lost count.
• A town called - get this! - Valentines Bluffs.  
• Lots and lots of V-Day puns, found on valentines sent out to the killer's various soon-to-be victims.
• A gas-masked villain named Harry Warden, supposedly traumatized from getting trapped in a mine with a pile of dead coworkers (and then having to eat them to survive!) 20 years back.  
• The dead-old-lady-in-a-dryer gag! And my 12-year-old self presumed that was an I Still Know What You Did Last Summer original!
• Some terribly overwrought acting on the part of the wholly unrecognizable cast. That might sound like a criticism, but considering its a slasher movie, it was perfect as it took the already over-the-top story to a guilty pleasure precipice.
• Some definite Nova Scotian accents. (Maritime pride!)
• Tons of POV slasher shooting, complete with the gas mask breathing.
• More chest hair than a Bee Gees concert in the 1970s. 
• A slightly too-long finale, with a sudden, ill-explained twist that no one could possibly see coming. Although, it was a lot better than the "He's got a split personality!" end of the remake.
  

ONE NIGHT-IN STAND OR SECOND DATE POTENTIAL? I see this as a once-a-year fling and possible third wheel to Valentine. I'll just have to keep any heart-shaped sweets at bay during our rendezvous.

Good Neighbours

 

 Photo: Park Ex Pictures
(It's all good in the 'hood.)

Starring Jay Baruchel, Emily Hampshire and Scott Speedman. Directed by Jacob Tierney. 100 minutes. 14A

Were you one of those people who found Mr. Rogers' theme song, "Won't You Be My Neighbor?", terrifying on the first listen—and still dug it? Or did you accept it as at face value—as a sweet celebration of community sung by a man who really loved red, ladies' cardigans—but couldn't stand the sound of it anymore when someone told you otherwise?

That infamous track does not appear in Jacob Tierney's new film, the more-than-good-but-not-quite-great Good Neighbours. But your initial reaction to it will likely define how you will view the psycho-thrilling dramedy. You'll either read right into it and love it, or be unpleasantly surprised.

If you were thoroughly charmed by Tierney's first widely-distributed feature, The Trotsky, there's no guarantee you will love his latest. It's not that it isn't as sharp as that tale of Russian revolutionary rebel yelling. (More on that here...) Or that it's not set in Quebec, the home province of  Tierney and his man-muse, Jay Baruchel (She's Out of My League and more importantly, PMK). Or that it's not a little too proud to be Canadian. (How about some cameos from The Globe and Mail, and fellow homegrown cinematic protégé, Xavier Dolan, eh?) It's got all those things. But it's also got horror by the mini body count-ful. 

Good Neighbours may set up an apartment-based love triangle centred around a young, cat lady-in-training named Louise (Emily Hampshire) and the men who would like to lend her some serious sugar. We may even get to meet-cute Spencer, a wheelchair-bound charmer (Scott Speedman), and Victor, a bumbly school teacher/new tenant (Baruchel), via an awkward three-sided hallway convo. But this is no referendum era rom-com. It's a slow-simmering slasher.

It's never a beautiful day—or night—in Louise's city co-op. Not only does she have to deal with living in the dead of Montreal winter, she's also got to cope with the crazy woman upstairs who actively hates her fluffy room/soulmates and Victor's painfully obvious advances. Oh, and there's a wannabe Paul Bernardo on the loose, raping and murdering women at random.

Louise and Spencer share a strange interest in the killer's disgusting developments, reading any paper they can find for updates. But when Louise's fellow Chinese restaurant employee gets killed, it's Victor who comes to the rescue, offering to walk her home every night. As the murders continue, Louise starts to reassess the people and places she has always deemed safe and what role they can play in her future—or lack thereof.

The rest of the plot is best left buried, as it can be genuinely surprising. Things take an even darker and, in my mind, more interesting turn in the final quarter. The big murder sequence is one of the most revoltingly real on-screen kills to recent date. It has a comical tinge, due to an overly graphic Grand Guignol gag. But it almost adds to the authenticity.

This, and many other macabre moments, owe their effectiveness to the actors, who embrace the story violently. While Baruchel is as charming as he's ever been as Victor, his nervous, nasally laughs and adorkable delivery are no match for Hampshire's strangely off-putting (in a good way) performance. Unlike The Trotsky, where she was not only worshipped by Baruchel but also by the camera, in this film, she looks and acts really rough. She's not an idealized survivor girl in the slightest.

Scott Speedman (Felicity, Underworld) plays with our minds as Spencer, acting like a young, blond Christian Bale character at certain moments. But unlike the film itself, which gives away much of the major twist much too quickly, I'm not going to give you any hints as to which character I'm referring to (although, I'm sure you can guess). Because if I did, I might kill your chances at seeing this slightly effed up Canadian gem. And that would really be gruesome. B

*Good Neighbours is currently playing exclusively at the TIFF Lightbox in Toronto.*