Never Seen It! Sunday: Troy

You know when you're talking to someone you think is like totally happening in a far out way and they ask if you've seen their favourite movie and you lie and say you seen "parts of it" because you don't want to seem like a total pop culture pariah? Yeah, we do too - and we hate ourselves for it! That's why we're vowing to watch at least one movie we've put off, ignored, rejected or just plain-out forgot about every week from now on. Join us every other Sunday as we recount the popping of our cinematic cherries, complete with awkward, over-analytical details!

Photo: empiremovies.com

TROY

DATE RELEASED: May 14, 2004

DATE ACTUALLY WATCHED: May 6, 2011

WHY NOW?: I was talking to my boyfriend about how I really wanted to see a film like 300 again. You know, a really good, ancient-times war-epic. So, he suggested Troy, which I wasn't sure would actually be so great. For some reason I lumped it in the same category as Gladiator, which I haven't seen yet either thanks to stories of people falling asleep when watching it. But despite the little I actually knew about Troy, I trusted his judgement.

WHY NOT THEN?: I had not yet developed my love for epics. Yes, the Lord of the Rings trilogy (one of my favourite series ever) had only recently come to an end, but I wasn't yet sold on epics. Especially considering most are historical or mythical, areas I know only minimally about.

EXPECTATIONS:
(Warning: I really knew very little about this film before watching it.)

• A lot of gold and brown. People, places, structures. No, not just because of the poster, but also because of the golden, tanned, glossy-haired images of the poster boy, Brad Pitt, I'd seen associated with the film countless times.
• Ruthless, righteous slaying of armies in glorious sweeps.
• An Orlando Bloom with hints of Legolas, fresh off the LotR role.
• Not much else. Really.

WHAT I ACTUALLY GOT...

The King's Speech

Photo: allmoviephoto.com

(Royal with brain freeze.)

Starring Colin Firth, Helena Bonham Carter, Geoffrey Rush and Guy Pearce. Directed by Tom Hooper. 111 minutes. PG

Back in high school, when Juliet told us that her "only love was sprung from his only hate," I said, "Shakespearean bitches be crazy." Little did I know a few years later I'd be living out that very statement at the movies. Except the loathsome lovah in question wouldn't be related to my father's mortal nemesis but rather, one of my own.

I can't remember a time when I didn't absolutely despise historical dramas. In my generally open mind, they're incredibly dull, drawn out and attentive to minute details - even when the story that inspired it is obviously intellectually engaging. Just because they're based on real life doesn't give them life. Or so I'd say to whatever former close friend or family member who dragged me to see the latest long-winded on-screen representation of my Grade 10 history book.

So naturally when I bought a ticket for critical darling and TIFF '10 favourite (it scored the People's Choice Award) The King's Speech, I was expecting yet another over-hyped based-on-not-so-ancient-events flick I can't even pretend to cheer for. What I got was a freakishly fascinating, funny and, dare I say it, lovely film.

A lot of said glowing mini-review may have to do with Colin Firth, who pretty much embodies those words in every role (yes, even St. Trinian's). Having delivered a wholly heartbreaking performance in the most underrated movie of last year, A Single Man, you'd think he could only regress. But the doubly designated Mr. Darcy tops himself here, playing King George VI, who we find out here suffered from a serious speech impediment before and after taking over the throne in WWII-era Britain, with both genuine helplessness and grace. He doesn't just make you feel sorry for the self-conscious leader. He makes you feel every stutter and stumble. To use a civilian (and 90s childish) pun, he just plain-out rules.

Firth's co-stars, Helena Bonham Carter and Captain Barbosa, er Geoffrey Rush (playing the queen mum and George's speech therapist, respectively) are also excellent. As is the surprisingly lively (and unpolitical!) script, both classy and crass, providing fodder for heavy-hearted history buffs and sailor-mouthed cynics alike.

One minute we get to see dear old Queen Elizabeth (alongside a mini Margaret), imagined as a young girl with passion for whimsy and toy horsies and Winston Churchill, get played by a rat - or rather, a man who seems to play them a hell of a lot (Timothy Spall). The next we get our knit socks knocked off and into a profanity-laden free-for-all that could well be ripped from a Tarantino movie. It was that particular scene, which demonstrates one of Rush's character's many unorthodox teaching methods, that showed this history hater that maybe Romeo's star-crossed mistress wasn't so off after all.

The King's Speech may be dressed up like my least favourite genre but in truth, it's just irresistible underdog tale masquerading in medals and full tails. Behind the perfectly under-toned lighting, meticulous furnishing and big-expectations back story, lies a totally unpretentious story of an emotionally damaged man who simply wanted to be able to tell his country to stay strong in spite of an oncoming story. And to put it in one of the many terms King Firth uses in his one colourfully colloquial speech, it's the tits. A-