Never Seen It! Sunday: Troy

You know when you're talking to someone you think is like totally happening in a far out way and they ask if you've seen their favourite movie and you lie and say you seen "parts of it" because you don't want to seem like a total pop culture pariah? Yeah, we do too - and we hate ourselves for it! That's why we're vowing to watch at least one movie we've put off, ignored, rejected or just plain-out forgot about every week from now on. Join us every other Sunday as we recount the popping of our cinematic cherries, complete with awkward, over-analytical details!

Photo: empiremovies.com

TROY

DATE RELEASED: May 14, 2004

DATE ACTUALLY WATCHED: May 6, 2011

WHY NOW?: I was talking to my boyfriend about how I really wanted to see a film like 300 again. You know, a really good, ancient-times war-epic. So, he suggested Troy, which I wasn't sure would actually be so great. For some reason I lumped it in the same category as Gladiator, which I haven't seen yet either thanks to stories of people falling asleep when watching it. But despite the little I actually knew about Troy, I trusted his judgement.

WHY NOT THEN?: I had not yet developed my love for epics. Yes, the Lord of the Rings trilogy (one of my favourite series ever) had only recently come to an end, but I wasn't yet sold on epics. Especially considering most are historical or mythical, areas I know only minimally about.

EXPECTATIONS:
(Warning: I really knew very little about this film before watching it.)

• A lot of gold and brown. People, places, structures. No, not just because of the poster, but also because of the golden, tanned, glossy-haired images of the poster boy, Brad Pitt, I'd seen associated with the film countless times.
• Ruthless, righteous slaying of armies in glorious sweeps.
• An Orlando Bloom with hints of Legolas, fresh off the LotR role.
• Not much else. Really.

WHAT I ACTUALLY GOT...

• A lot of dusty gold and brown.
• A lesson in Greek mythology. (And an understanding that the Trojan Horse was not actually a horse.)
• Ruthless, very egotistical slaying of armies in staggering steps, though nonetheless glorious.
• An Orlando Bloom with hints of Legolas.
• Many surprise big-name actors.
• Beautifully-hyperbolic drama.
• Fulfilment of my "really good, ancient-times war-epic" craving.

ONE NIGHT-IN STAND OR SECOND DATE POTENTIAL?

Definitely one worth checking in with in a few years. One you'll miss, but you'll want to miss so that when you see it again, it's once again fulfilling.