Stay Classy: The Goonies

Maybe you’ve never heard of it. Maybe you’ve always wanted to see it. Or maybe you’re just tired of the new. Whatever your reason, the classics are always worth a nod. Every Friday in Stay Classy, we look some of the films that started it all and how they hold up today. So sit back while we reel through the past.

Photo: Scifiwire.com

I know what you're thinking. The Goonies is too recent to be a classic. I hate to break it to you, Grandpa, but it's been it's 25 years since the pint-sized pirates first scavenged their way through One-Eyed Willy's creepy trap-filled cave. In my books, once a movie hits it's quarterlife, it's automatically eligible for such grandiose claims. Especially in this priceless gem of a case.

In her theme song for the family-friendly adventure 80s flick, Cyndi Lauper claims that the Goonies are "good enough" for her. She's way underselling them. They're not just good enough. They're great.

The Goonies is essentially every kid's (and grown up, who's a kid at heart's) dream. A gang of misfit kids (who call themselves "The Goonies" as they hail from an area dubbed the Goon Docks) stumble upon a treasure map in an attic and decide to follow it, in hopes of finding some ancient pirate treasure and saving their neighbourhood from being evicted/turned into a ginormous country club. Along the way they meet some similarly off-beat mobsters (the famed Fratelli's), a misunderstood disfigured boy (me love Sloth!) and some really wicked cave challenges (My nails are still throbbing from re-watching that skeleton piano scene).

While the story is undeniably golden (who hasn't wanted to go on an afternoon treasure hunt with their neighbourhood BFFs?), it's the kids themselves who are the real treasure. Each Goonie has uniquely hilarious characteristics which result in too many notable quotables to count. There's Chunk, the overweight kid whose signature move is a fierce belly fat shake entitled "The Truffle Shuffle." There's Mouth, the smart-ass of the group played by the always-awesome Corey Feldman. There's Data, the smart, gadget-y one who you might remember from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. And there's Mikey (Lord of the Rings' Sean Astin), the Michael Bluth of these irresistible ragamuffins, or rather, the serious dude with the map and the biggest dreams of all.

The Goonies are all fun in their own little ways and together, they're sublime. They really are an ensemble, playing off each other in awkward tweenage friend harmony. Like when they're all searching for the map, up stairs, and they take turns turning random attic items into inside jokes. From the beginning, we get the feeling these kids actually love hanging out with each other and would do anything, even climb into the cavernous depths of a possibly-abandoned cabin, to stay that close.

Although the whole cast is awesome, it's particularly
great to see Josh Brolin (No Country for Old Men, Milk) be a little silly for once in his role as Mikey's sweatband lovin' older bro, "Brand," who will never be as cool as he, and his ego, want him to be. Here's hoping his latest popcorn flick, Jonah Hex is the beginning of a return to knee-slap-happy type roles. Or at least, the jumping off point (sorry, Joshie, not even Megan Fox can save that pseudo-Western style disaster).

Unlike modern day Brolin,
The Goonies isn't quite Oscar-worthy. The performances, while awesome to watch, are not life-changing. The visuals are a bit dated (today, I'm sure Sloth's face would be full-out CGI). And the humour is just silly. But that doesn't really matter. The Goonies isn't meant to be serious or award-winning. It's meant to be fun and over-the-top, sending your adventurously campy side into overdrive. And it does all that, and more, making it a definite contender for modern Friday night sleepovers and Sunday afternoon days in.

Many may argue that the cult-classic world's overwhelming love for
The Goonies comes from nostalgia, with Gen X and Y and Hot Topic putting it on a campy cult pedestal. But it's not just for 80s babies. Although it's sadly old enough to have fathered him, The Goonies has entranced my 11-year-old bro. So much so that he asks to re-watch it on a monthly basis. They say Goonies never say die, and I guess they'll never have to.

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