Gimme Five!: Most Necessary Movie Mustaches

Join us as we treat you to a handful of the best and worst movies, characters, scenes, lines and or other significant cinematic moments. At least in our opinion.

Hey, it's Movember! It's time for a celebration of hilarious movie mustaches. (I wish we could give the top prize to Sarah Silverman at the 2009 Emmys, but she hasn't worn it in a movie. Yet. Unfortunately, this also disqualifies Ron Swanson's mustache, which is factually the greatest mustache of our era.)

5) Will Ferrell, Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy

If there are two things we remember about Ron Burgundy: scotch and his mustache.

4) Ben Stiller, DodgeBall: A True Underdog Story

But how can we take Ben Stiller seriously as a fitness guru and captain of competitive dodgeball team The Purple Cobras without a Fu Manchu?

3) Samuel L. Jackson, Pulp Fiction

Jules' Winnfield's mustache-sideburn-fro combo is just seriously badass. When one intends to say things like "Every time my fingers touch brain, I'm Super Fly T.N.T., I'm The Guns of the Navarone!" or to quote Ezekiel 25:17, one must have the facial hair to back it up.

2) Dustin Hoffman, Hook

Dustin Hoffman with a mustache? Impossible. With a handlebar that curls at the ends? Preposterous! But it is so, and it comes with matching eyebrows.

1) Michael Cera, Youth in Revolt

I have not seen this movie, but I have seen this mustache and that is all I need.

Other mentionable mustaches:

Matt Dillon, There's Something About Mary - One word: Gross.

Seth Rogen, Superbad - What is a cop without a 'stache?

Charlie Chaplin - Just like a little hand broom.

And the Oscar Didn't Go to ... Pulp Fiction

The Academy Awards are coming up this Sunday. While we're excited to enter multiple pools and prep themed food with our families, we're also kind of depressed about the whole thing because we're really disappointed with the nominees. (No Gosling = No Go!) And we know we'll be even more disappointed with the winners. Because, well, it's happened plenty of times before ...

THE YEAR: 1995

THE OTHER NOMINEES:

• Forrest Gump
• The Shawshank Redemption 
• Four Weddings and a Funeral 
• Quiz Show
  

THE WINNER: Forrest Gump, a.k.a. that actually really charming, All-American weepie made for box-of-chocolate lifers and starring Tom Hanks.

WHY IT (PROBABLY) DIDN'T WIN: Quentin Tarantino's hyperactive, bad-ass motherfucker of a flick, which featured a brunette Uma Thurman twisting at a diner and then near-overdosing, Ving Rhames getting raped and terrorized by two men and a "Gimp," and John Travolta and Samuel L. Jackson shooting the shit about Big Macs (or rather, Royales with Cheese), was probably a little too violent and foul-mouthed for most voters' elderly tastes. Although they did present Tarantino with the Best Original Screenplay trophy that same year.

WHY IT SHOULD HAVE: Unlike Gump (which is great in its own, superbly saccharine way), Pulp Fiction was groundbreaking for its time period. With its exploitation-style exposition and run-on sentence heavy script, it was both an action movie for people who didn't like action movies, and a drama for people who didn't like drama. And more importantly, due to its over-the-top references and not-so-slight nods, it was a film for people who, like Tarantino, loved films a bit too much. And you know the Academy appreciates that. (See: 2012 Best Picture nominees The Artist and Hugo) 

Maybe if QT had kept the swearing and sex on, well, the QT, and amped up the sepia and subtitles, he would have been golden. But then the movie wouldn't be so fucking tasty. Or Tarantino.